Why We Can't Sleep: Women's New Midlife Crisis By Ada Calhoun
Why we can't sleep at night according to psychology
No longer afraid of looking stupid Hardcover Sleepy Can t sleep Wonder about others sleeping habits The author primarily focuses on Generation X women. Why we can't sleep with open eyes Ada Calhoun did her research She interviewed thousands of women around the country We get insights about what concerns Generation X womensingle women divorce women women with or without children women working three jobs women who had gotten a good education and women who stayed in shape These women woke in the middle of the night wondering about alternate life choices they might have made in their lives or had fears about aging money etcThey have been hit hard financially and dismissed culturally They have lots of debt They re squeezed on both sides by children and aging parents The grim state of adulthood is hitting them hard Many are exhausted and bewildered Generation X women were the first women raised from birth hearing the clich having it all they thought they could have careers and a rich home life They were an experiment in crafting a higher achieving.
Why i can't sleep for days
Ada Calhoun is the author of the new memoir Also a Poet Frank OHara My Father and Me called one of the best books of 2022 so far by Vogue and molten with soul by the New York Times Her other books include the NYC history St Marks Is Dead essay collection Wedding Toasts Ill Never Give and NYT bestseller Why We Cant Sleep Womens New Midlife Crisis Ada Calhoun is the author of the new memoir Also a Poet Frank O Hara My Father and Me called one of the best books of 2022 so far by Vogue and molten with soul by the New York Times Her other books include the NYC history St Marks Is Dead essay collection Wedding Toasts I ll Never Give and NYT bestseller Why We Can t Sleep Women s New Midlife Crisis site_link When Ada Calhoun found herself in the throes of a midlife crisis she thought that she had no right to complain She was married with children and a good career So why did she feel miserable And why did it seem that other Generation X women were miserable too Calhoun decided to find some answers She looked into housing costs HR trends credit card debt averages and divorce data At every turn she saw a pattern sandwiched between the Boomers and the Millennials Gen X women were facing new problems as they entered middle age problems that were being largely overlooked Speaking with women across America about their experiences as the generation raised to have it all Calhoun found that most were exhausted terrified about money under employed and overwhelmed Instead of being heard they were told instead to lean in take me time or make a chore chart to get their lives and homes in order In Why We Can t Sleep Calhoun opens up the cultural and political contexts of Gen X s predicament and offers solutions for how to pull oneself out of the abyss and keep the next generation of women from falling in The result is reassuring empowering and essential reading for all middle aged women and anyone who hopes to understand them Why We Can t Sleep Women s New Midlife CrisisI ve finally finished this book which is basically a pity dump for upper middle class 40 something privileged white women Wow what a lot of navel gazing and self absorption The author finished writing this book as she turned 42 which I don t even consider midlife I guess I m an optimist but I m aiming higher than 84 I have a vivid memory of when I was 42 This memory rarely leaves me I was sitting in an empty lobby in a children s hospital with my 6 month old baby in my arms Two janitors went by pushing garbage cans Over the loudspeaker a woman said that business hours were over and recited a prayer that echoed through the emptied space Through two double doors surgeons were performing emergency surgery on my 13 year old oldest child s jawline where sepsis had set in following surgery two weeks earlier Techs had been unable to find her veins for hours to get painkillers into her to try to control her incredible pain and she d spent a feverish night in our tiny hometown hospital the night before where morphine didn t make a dent in her pain and a nurse angrily told her crying like that isn t going to make it any better We d rushed her to her oncologist an hour and a half away in the morning who had recommended emergency surgery Only days before we d found out that the large lump that the doctors had dismissed as a cyst was cancer but it wasn t even the most dangerous medical reality because infection was spreading into her bloodstream and it could quickly turn fatal I had called my best friend in Nebraska the night before and said that I didn t even know how to feel when the fact that my child had cancer was not even the scariest thing we were dealing with The worry during those days was such an intense visceral pain that it made it hard to breathe much less sleep She beat the cancer and the sepsis but the years that followed led to even medical emergencies and surgeries At only 21 now our oldest child has had three surgeries above the neck for three separate medical issues which doesn t even make a dent in the dozen other medical crises that have arisen. Why i can't sleep during period Worrying about whether my kids will even have a livable planet when they are my age keeps me up at night Seriously the odds are against our children making it to middle age according to an awful lot of scientists I was a little baffled by Calhoun s apparent complete lack of worry for her child or for younger generations. Nonfiction why we can't sleep book The deaths of an endless stream of good friends and family members keeps me up at night I ve lost my mother father aunts grandparents and every relative but a distant mean aunt and a very nice cousin and his kids who live far away Friend after friend has died yet another last week in a pretty gobsmackingly tragic way and my poor 21 year old was there when it happened. Why i can't sleep after gym Grief keeps me up at night Deep profound worry about my kids keeps me up at night To be honest the election of Donald Trump and all that he did to vulnerable people caused me a fair number of sleepless nights And yeah hot flashes do a bit of that too But mostly deep and profound worry about others keeps me up at night. Why we can't sleep But despite all that I am a pretty happy and content person I really like my life It would be great if loved ones would stop dying and terrible things didn t keep me up at night with worry but it s not about me Good grief It s other people that keep me from sleeping at 3 a. Why we can't sleep not the stuff in this book Some of Calhoun s points are valid in terms of caring for elderly parents and regrets but for the most part she is so incredibly entitled and self absorbed that I hate read this book I know how lucky I am Women my age are terrified of being deported or of losing their children are caring for kids with terminal illnesses are buried in debt and facing homelessness and living with diseases that fill their lives with pain and challenges This book highlights how incredibly lucky many modern American white middle class women are not unlucky The irony is that only those on the outside will ever see that. Why i can't sleep after gym I read a digital ARC of this book for the purpose of review Hardcover Where do I even begin with this rubbish Reading the introduction to this book I was amazed that what the author was saying about Gen X women in their middle age is so close to things my partner and I talk about Wow I thought it s not just us These are generational things But then I got through the introduction and this quickly devolved into a big old pity party for straight white cisgender upper middle class women The moaning Oh my god You d think the author was in the middle of having a baby and simultaneously having her right arm cut off and her teeth yanked out. Why we can't sleep nonfiction pdf And the reasons they suffer One woman bemoaned the fact that she only had a million dollars in retirement savings Get the fuck outta here Really Do you know how many people have not even 2 to their name We re going to give this self obsessed woman space to feel sorry for herself Yes there are certainly things that are difficult for middle age women I don t discount that And it s nice to know one isn t alone in how one feels or what one worries about. Why we can't sleep sometimes The author claims she interviewed single and partnered mothers and childless black and white and Asian and Latina gay and straight etc So why does she almost solely give a voice to straight cisgender upper middle class white women and leave the rest of us out Why even bother interviewing all those other women if you don t think their specific issues that are different than yours are worthy of attention And then And then and then and then. Why we can't sleep with open eyes The author incessantly goes on about motherhood and makes women out to be little than baby making machines No matter the chapter or the topic at hand it always goes back to women as baby makers. Why i can't sleep for more than 5 hours Poor GenXers Even if they were able to snag a man and have a career they ended up having their babies later and now they re taking care of parents and kids at the same time even though I think most of our parents are only in their mid 60s to early 70s not 90 year old invalids in wheelchairs. Why we can't sleep at night sometimes And the women who didn t get lucky enough to pop a baby out their vaginas These poor poor women are just distraught crying in the very Cheerios they will never get to feed a child. Why do i not wanna sleep According to the author there are 3 reasons women don t have children 1 They don t have a man2 They are working on their career3 They want to have all their time for themselvesUm hello I think there are many What about some women feel it s unethical to have a baby when the world is overpopulated with humans and climate change is going to make these kids lives miserable in a few years Or what about I don t know. Why i can't sleep lately the fact that some women just don t want a fucking baby I can assure you I am not sitting here at the age of 44 feeling sorry for myself that I never popped a baby out from between my legs Why For those two reasons the author apparently never thought of It disgusts me that a modern woman acts like our whole purpose in life is to have babies. Why can't i sleep longer than 5 hours Here s an example Though lesbians are mostly absent from these pages we do hear one story about Jo Jo became pregnant at the age of 39 She tragically miscarried and because her partner didn t want to try again and risk that kind of pain a second time Jo left her Then she started dating another woman and dumped her when she said she didn t want children. Why we can't sleep pdf Finally she met another woman who also wanted kids They got married had a baby and the author said hers was the only success story out of all the childless women she d interviewed Again come the fuck on It s not a success for the women who don t want babies to happily go about their lives without fucking having one I suppose the only thing that would have made this woman s success story even of a success is if she d left the third woman and gotten herself a man. Why we can't sleep at evening At the end of the chapter Ms Calhoun does tack on a tiny paragraph that There are plenty of happy endings too that don t involve children or weddings Well thank you for that Or maybe not. Why we can't sleepc bcu In this paragraph she mentions one woman whose happy ending means that though she s still looking for a man she s improved her dating life and is having fun Not I m happy being single and childless Not some women prefer to be either single or childless But Well I m still looking for a man The author then assures us it s OK to feel sad in middle age because It s the natural mourning period for our fertility. Why i can't sleep after drinking alcohol I guess we just shrivel up and wait for death once we ve expended all our eggs Nothing to do how about the numbers have risen due to increased awareness and testing Never thought of that Apparently not and it s just another reason why we GenX women suffer than any others Such self absorption Such a lack of awareness for the suffering of others in much worse situations Talk about a privileged white woman I am truly disgusted reading this book. What is the problem if you can't sleep Sure it s nice for women to know they aren t alone in having specific concerns and stresses and the author does write well It might be utter BS but it s written well That s about the only positive I can find. Why we can't sleep in north direction I venture to say that the majority of issues discussed in this book are similar to issues ALL women have in middle age We aren t special just because we were born between 1965 and 1980 Sure there are specifics to each generation but an entire book of how my hot flashes are the worst and I didn t get a man and I only had 1. Why we can't sleep S We aren t fucking baby making machines and some of us don t want children and how about being thankful you made it to middle age instead of dying from some horrible disease or in a car crash at the age of 16 Or killed at the age of 26 for the crime of Sleeping While Black BreonnaTaylor Hardcover I feel like I m a bit young to be reading about women having midlife crises but I took a chance on it primarily because I trusted my friend who recommended it who happens to be several years younger than me I found this book completely fascinating and far too relatable In separate chapters Calhoun examines many of these issues individually like finding work caregiving job instability money panic choosing a single life or a childless life or not choosing to be single and childless yet finding that s your reality and then divorce perimenopause the comparison trap if you re getting the picture you can see it s not easy stuff It was a lot of information and a lot of it was pretty depressing but it was also engrossing and unexpectedly reassuring I laughed the laugh of recognition when Calhoun writes Oddly knowing that I have every reason in the world to be freaking out has made me much relaxed Hardcover This book rang so true for me that it was like poking a raw nerve. Why i can't sleep after gym Ada Calhoun interviewed dozens of Gen X women while doing research for Why We Can t Sleep and I could relate to so many of their stories and experiences Intense anxiety about money and careers Feeling neglected as a child because both parents were always working The pressures and expectations of having it all Being a perfectionist and holding yourself up to impossible standards while at the same time feeling like a failure Obsessing over communications and media And of course suffering from horrible insomnia due to all of the above colliding in middle age I know it s always a risk to make statements about an entire generation of people but HOLY SHIT THIS BOOK EXPLAINED MY WHOLE LIFE. Why we can't sleep nonfiction pdf I cannot remember the last time a book punched me in the gut this fucking hard I listened to it on audio and I had to keep stopping and rewinding and listening to entire sections again because it was so meaningful to me This is a book I definitely plan on rereading. Why we can't sleep sometimes Notes The Pew Research Center identifies Gen X birth years as 1965 to 1980 It s worth noting that this book was published in January 2020 which was before the covid 19 pandemic took hold in America I m sure anxiety and sleeplessness has only increased for all of the women interviewed. Why do we need sleep pdf We thought we could have both thriving careers and rich home lives and make and achieve than our parents but most of us have gained little if any advantage Societal historical and economic trends have conspired to make many women s passage into middle age a crucible of anxieties and to make us envy one another rather than realize we are all in the same leaky boat. Why do i not wanna sleep Almost every story I ve heard of a Gen X woman pulling herself out of a midlife crisis has involved in one way or another the letting go of expectations That s been the most important part of my own reckoning When I start criticizing myself for not having saved enough money or for not having written enough of value or for my son s bad handwriting or for not working out or for any other failures small and large I try to put my finger on the expectation that any of these things would be different I also try to remind myself that if I were in better shape or my son did calligraphy or I had 30000 in an emergency fund as I m supposed to life would not necessarily be any better Even padded with achievement or glamour or cash midlife is very likely going to be challenging Even if you don t subscribe to the belief in a crisis point you cannot deny the onset of new physical limitations and stressors. Why can't i sleep longer than 5 hours Therefore if the first piece of a solution is getting support and the second is reframing the way we see our life to remove unrealistic expectations the third might be waiting One day midlife will end Kids will grow up relationships will evolve Women in their fifties and sixties tell me that after menopause they felt so much better less nervous confident fulfilling and well rounded version of the American women By midlife many found that the experiment was largely failing The boomer generation said they were the first to hear they could have it all but it wasn t until Gen X arrived that it was a main stream expectation Millennials claim they re supposed to have it all too They have crushing student loan debts They are experiencing social and economic inequality poisonous political polarization and a rapidly changing world More opportunity has not necessarily lead to greater happiness or satisfaction. Why i can't sleep after gym One in four middle aged American women is on antidepressants Nearly 60% of those born between 1965 and 1979 described themselves as stressed I felt sad for many Gen X women Yet I felt I understood their struggles and concerns I lived through many of the same issues when younger too Many Generation X women had confusing feelings that they were embarrassed to talk about Generation X women reported being unhappy depressed or exhausted. Why do we need sleep pdf They felt they needed to apologize for whining Intellectually they understood that they were lucky The women were fighting with how they really felt vs what they felt they should feel It s a hard place to be stuck in On an up note the cycles of life shine through Many of the concerns for women in their 20 s 30 s 40 s even 50 s. Book reasons i can't sleep magically begin to clear up Things get better Inner peace is around the corner Older post menopausal women may have wrinkles but a calmness experience hits them in ways they were not able to experience as easily when they were young ambitious driven with grand desires I related with the authors findings about women in their 60s 70s 80s or 90s Middle aged women have perspective enough to see what s important and what isn t Agree Just the other day an interesting article came out about how reading at night helped people fall to sleep I posted the article on Facebook fitting with reading this book. Why we can't sleep Kudos to Ada Calhoun for her extensive research exploring this topic I found it heartwarming to connect with women around the world who shared authentically Thank you Grove Atlantic Netgalley and Ada Calhoun Hardcover
| Why We Can't Sleep: Women's New Midlife Crisis By Ada Calhoun |
| 0802147852 |
| 9780802147851 |
| 267 |
| Hardcover |
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Generation Xers represent people born largely between 1965 and 1980 and represent a smaller generation than either the Baby Boomers that preceded them or the Millennials that followed Calhoun interviewed a number of women in this age group and cites a plethora of statistics that show that this is an anxious group of women On one hand they have job opportunities than their mothers but only up to a point They have student loan debt credit card debt and child care costs Juggling work marriage and children does not leave much time for themselves Recommend Hardcover 3. Why we can't sleep sometimes 5 starsSelf help books have always been a bit of a hit and miss for me which is why I m very selective when it comes to choosing books from this genre to read Of course first and foremost the subject matter needs to be interesting and also relevant to my current situation on this count Ada Calhoun s newest book Why We Can t Sleep did deliver however in some ways it also fell a bit short of expectations for me. Why i can't sleep early As a member of Generation X like the author herself it s refreshing to read a book that was able to articulate so much of what I have experienced and felt for most of my life up to this point Many of the insights that Calhoun presented were spot on to the point that I found myself nodding my head a lot in understanding and agreement In addition to being extremely well researched with the material laid out in a format that was organized and easy to read one of the things I appreciated most about this book was the author s approach to the subject matter through interviews with hundreds of women most of them from Generation X all of whom candidly shared their stories about their struggles and challenges Calhoun was able to establish a sense of resonance with readers that other books on the same subject mostly lacked On a personal level I m the type of reader who tends to shy away from books that I consider to be too scientific in nature especially ones that are overloaded with a lot of facts figures statistics etc. Why i can't sleep for more than 5 hours as I usually find these books boring and as a result I lose focus really quickly This book was different in that Calhoun didn t just regurgitate a bunch of facts and results from studies to support them rather she incorporated her own personal experiences as well as those of many other women from different walks of life to create a anecdotal read which I feel worked well With that said though I think one of the things this book lacked was ironically the self help portion in that it didn t really present solutions on how to overcome the challenges that Generation X often faced overall Yes Calhoun does talk about what worked for her and with a few of the other women interviewed she also covered how they ended up improving their particular situations but a lot of it was very specific to them and their lives Basically this book was insightful in terms of explaining the why portion but it didn t really go into the what to do about how we re feeling portion at least not in a way that was helpful in my circumstances Overall I feel that this book is definitely worth a read but I think how much readers would be able to relate to it depends on their personal situations which I believe is why the reviews for this book are all over the place I certainly got some things out of it mostly knowledge in that I found out some stuff I didn t know before but as I said earlier I also found quite a few things lacking I would still recommend this book but with a warning not to go into it with too many pre established expectations if it works for you then great but if it doesn t that should be fine too Hardcover I was lucky to receive an early copy of this book from Edelweiss I have read a lot of books about women in today s society but never one that examined the problem from a generational lens I did my master s research paper on generations in the workplace specifically the library and it was really interesting to get a new perspective on it Calhoun is a member of Generation X and so the book focuses mostly on that generation but there is plenty of context from the other generations as well It was a really eye opening way to look at the multiple disconnects in American middle class society and the takeaway is also that Generation X is stronger than they think Having dealt with a lot of crap in their young lives hitting the workforce at the time of some major recessions and now being in debt and squeezed between young kids and aging parents and yet they keep pressing on working hard showing the world that they have something to offer I myself am an early Millennial one year away from being Gen X sometimes we re known as the Oregon Trail Generation because we were the last kids to grow up without the Internet but we did have computers and we had Oregon Trail So I learned some things about growing up in the 70s while also relating to the world of the 80s which I vaguely remember from my young childhood Although there aren t easy answers to the conundrums here the book sheds light on them and offers perspective Although Calhoun does talk about her life my favorite anecdote was about British Club it s less a memoir than some of the other books on this topic of thorough researched journalism which is refreshing I do love a good memoir and an author s perspective but it was nice to see a different approach Hardcover Rounding down I nodded my head a lot and related to so much but it didn t go beyond that It s a list of here s why we re anxious and depressed which shockingly only served to make me feel anxious and depressed Hardcover I cannot believe I was blessed to read this AMAZING book before it was formally released I was invited to read this book through NetGalley Ada Calhoun s Why We Can t Sleep has become my bible my battle cry my feminist go to book for women my age I got so much out of reading this book The very second I picked up this book I literally absorbed each and every word and got angrier in the best possible way passionate and dedicated to my own goals and missions I legitimately thought I was all alone I was relieved and felt vindicated in reading this book I enjoyed reading how the author interviewed many women of our generation and I liked how not every woman had their lives all mapped out The book was immensely relatable and any woman who grew up in the 1980s will understand all of the references will understand about the laissez faire manner in which we were raised by our parents and handled by teachers and administration We inherited a lot of negative things that we had no idea would reverberate for so many years to come I too grew up believing that I was entitled to the American Dream I too wanted to have it all but nearing 40 I have nothing This was not from lack of trying We were lied to as kids We were raised brainwashed really into thinking that every single person would grow up to be successful and to believe that we would all be married by 30 have two point five kids live in a big house in an affluent area and have a slew of cats and dogs I have none of those I never got married I only recently decided to take the leap and finally pursue my dream even though I am so so poor and often regret my decision I have no kids no desire to have them and spent too many years trying to please others and trying to fit into some mold that other people tried shoving me in I ve only recently grown the huevos to finally say enough is enough and to fight for what I want in life This book is a testament to women of our generation to keep fighting for what we want in life Happiness really is relative and we have to fight for what happiness feels like by our own definition not by what society claims will make us happy I liked how Ms Calhoun discusses the repercussions of feminism I like exploring the idea of what the first wave of feminists had envisioned and what feminism looks like now I feel that because of this movement women who do not have the personality or disposition to hold a traditional full time job that is demanding and lucrative is seen as weak lazy or unambitious I like exploring the concept that feminism has many layers and that having that job does not make you of a woman and not having that job does not make you less of one. Why i can't sleep lately My dissertation was about the recession implications of employment challenges faced by single educated childless women in the United States I wrote this at a time where I could not get enough people to participate in my study I feel that my topic was way ahead of its time but feel I d make progress with this topic now Women are braver now confident and are paving their own futures regardless of perceived societal norms More women are opting to marry later if at all and are opting to have children later or not at all I feel that I spent my whole life taking care of other people At this phase in my life I m choosing to be selfish and to take care of myself for once and that doesn t involve getting married or having children I m at peace with my decision Yes I worry about my future Yes I worry about not having a pension 401k decent health insurance a man to grow old with to help me financially etc I worry about those things every day But this book allowed me to feel how I feel without judgment without fear and with relief that others feel and think similarly to how I feel I am so privileged to be able to have read this book early What an amazing read and worth reading if you are a Generation X middle aged woman who is still trying to figure out why the hell we can t sleep Hardcover.: Why we can't sleep after drinking coffee you won t feel alone after reading this book Ha I read this during the middle of the night: What is the problem if you can't sleep She went on and on and on about how women like her suffer than any other generation of women before or after: Why we can't sleep in north direction But an entire book steeped in group self pity This is disgusting: Why i can't sleep even after taking sleeping pills 8 and it s just terrible how they are now stuck with either 1: Why we sleep book free 8 children or face the uncertainty of having another child in middle age: Why can't i sleep early pregnancy Meaningful Quotes from the Dedication For the middle aged women of America You re not imagining it and it s not just you, Why we can't sleep sometimes I got funny responses from my middle aged female friends saying things like not me, Why we can't sleep after drinking coffee they kept on reading through the nightnothing depressing about it[1]Nothing to live for.but.if you find yourself awake in the middle of the night.That keeps me awake at night.m.Or maybe they only had 1.8 children but women really want 2.The natural fucking mourning period for our fertility.Yep that s what she said.8 children instead of 2.8.P.Highly recommended for my fellow Gen Xers